I will no longer be commuting to Africa for my job. I've decided not to go back. My phase of the project was finished, and while there may have been other opportunities to stay involved, it is really good to be home, to stay home, to have my life back.
In a revelation, I have arrived at the conviction that if I'm going to "suffer" (I mean, really, that's dramatic. I wasn't dying over there, but I was away from the fullness of my life, the interactions that warm my heart, the continuity that I've built for myself)... if I'm going to "suffer" (okay, so by suffer, I mean risk. If I'm going to desperately miss people and events, if I'm going to challenge myself, if I'm going to stretch further than is comfortable, if I'm going out on the limb)... if I'm going to "suffer" for my work... then that work should be writing. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my work. Steinbeck would be proud, though he's a little distant from me right now, as my original "Travels with Charley" remains on its own adventure in Tanzania. Hopefully, he'll find his way home. Steinbeck and Charley have prove quite resourceful in the past.
I will desperately miss Africa. There's a Tanzanian shaped indent left by the loss. I am different. I had no choice. I miss the wild, the monkeys, the mongoose, the sunrise. I don't miss the weird bugs especially, but I do miss the option of a surprise every day. I will miss finding out what kind of fruit my favorite tree produces and how the project finishes out. I already miss tea with the ladies and afternoon walks with Ina and Swahili lessons with Lydia. We all still keep in touch and I wouldn't be surprised if I run into them again someday. Just not today.
My life goes on without Africa. Africa goes on without me. I still write, gold is still mined. Superficially, so little is changed. And still. All the changes that matter have occurred. I am different. My perspective is forever altered. And other people are changed as well. I made it better, for a little while. Friendships were forged, and some old ones grown stronger. I did a good thing, and I am proud of that.
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Thursday, December 13, 2012
family traditions
I'm getting ready to go home, to be home for a while. And, while I pack and prepare to get on another couple of planes and lose a couple days of my life to airport limbo, I've been thinking about my heritage.
As an American, I identify with precious little else. I've got some English/Scottish and a bunch of Eastern European block countries in my background somewhere, but I could not tell you where my ancestors came from. I think I've got some German? But I only think that because of how thoroughly I was taught to scrub things clean. And I may have made up the Scottish heritage entirely, as I can't really abide the bagpipes. So, I'm a American. An American mutt, from the East Coast, right outside the Capitol, if anyone's asking, but mostly, staunchly American.
I've grown up very proud of that, and I've grown even more attached to it as an expat. Americans are wanderers... or at least my Americans have been. My family, whoever they are, wherever they come from, they have always been wanderers.
My great-grandmother, a Heil, lived in Baltimore long before I got there. She held railroad stock, fiercely independent woman that she was. And my grandmother Helen used to be walking through the streets of Irvington, a place none of us are likely to ever get back to, and would catch of glimpse of her mom on the train, going anywhere, reading the newspaper.
My grandfather was active-duty military for most of his life and each of his children were born in different states (and one in a different country)! Not even the world was a big enough adventure for him. He needed to see heaven too.
My aunt Carmen, who died just a few years ago, was a feisty old woman, whose walking club offered a farewell hike after her wake. She told me a story once about being in a South American country during a political coup. The tour guides packed all the visitors into a church until the fighting was over and then began making arrangements to send everyone home. Carmen marched up to the folks in charge and asked "when will we go back out there and see it?" The guides told her that she'd be on a plane shortly. She asked why? All the good stuff was still waiting for her, probably made better for the excitement.
My parents took a roadtrip around the country for their honeymoon. My brother and I have our fond roadtrip memories, as children. We've seen the United States from the ground.
I hold this heritage inside of me, so deeply that decisions made in this vein - running away to the beach, new-city adventures, strolling by myself through a park, solo roadtrips much longer than normal people would commit to - these aren't questioned, they are assumed. Of course. The people who have come before me have led me to these experiences, they followed this path first, to the wanderlust of my life.
As an American, I identify with precious little else. I've got some English/Scottish and a bunch of Eastern European block countries in my background somewhere, but I could not tell you where my ancestors came from. I think I've got some German? But I only think that because of how thoroughly I was taught to scrub things clean. And I may have made up the Scottish heritage entirely, as I can't really abide the bagpipes. So, I'm a American. An American mutt, from the East Coast, right outside the Capitol, if anyone's asking, but mostly, staunchly American.
I've grown up very proud of that, and I've grown even more attached to it as an expat. Americans are wanderers... or at least my Americans have been. My family, whoever they are, wherever they come from, they have always been wanderers.
My great-grandmother, a Heil, lived in Baltimore long before I got there. She held railroad stock, fiercely independent woman that she was. And my grandmother Helen used to be walking through the streets of Irvington, a place none of us are likely to ever get back to, and would catch of glimpse of her mom on the train, going anywhere, reading the newspaper.
My grandfather was active-duty military for most of his life and each of his children were born in different states (and one in a different country)! Not even the world was a big enough adventure for him. He needed to see heaven too.
My aunt Carmen, who died just a few years ago, was a feisty old woman, whose walking club offered a farewell hike after her wake. She told me a story once about being in a South American country during a political coup. The tour guides packed all the visitors into a church until the fighting was over and then began making arrangements to send everyone home. Carmen marched up to the folks in charge and asked "when will we go back out there and see it?" The guides told her that she'd be on a plane shortly. She asked why? All the good stuff was still waiting for her, probably made better for the excitement.
My parents took a roadtrip around the country for their honeymoon. My brother and I have our fond roadtrip memories, as children. We've seen the United States from the ground.
I hold this heritage inside of me, so deeply that decisions made in this vein - running away to the beach, new-city adventures, strolling by myself through a park, solo roadtrips much longer than normal people would commit to - these aren't questioned, they are assumed. Of course. The people who have come before me have led me to these experiences, they followed this path first, to the wanderlust of my life.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
what I do on my day off
I've told some of you... I work a lot here. Mining hours are 24/7, and my hours have become 7 am - 7 pm, six days a week. And everyone knows just how pretty I am at 7 am. But, I love the work and I love Africa, so I don't mind that my time here, right now, is mostly work. Also, the mine site is miles and miles (kilometers here, and frankly I haven't a working conversion-in-head go-to standard yet, though I change dollars for Tschillings like no one's business, so anyway, I'm still measuring in miles)... miles and miles from anything. So really going exploring is a plane ride and two days. Today was my first full day off. I looked forward to it. Mostly because I got to sleep in.
RIDE A BIKE
I borrowed a bike from Lydia, who is currently acting as the assistant to the General Manager. She's helped us with a lot of things - getting our office set up, how to say you-name-it in Swahili, how to use the phone. And she was the bearer of surprise soup a few days ago when I had a cold. Anyway, she also lent me her bike for the weekend because she'd be away. I was very excited. My bicycling days of Key West were fondly remembered and I hoped to get more of my bearings on a bicycle.
The bicycle is huge. I was only able to ride it by not sitting on the seat. I fell, but only a few times, and I don't think anyone saw. I sure hope not because everyone here rides bikes everywhere and I'd like to think I can master at least a little part of their way of life - or at least not look like a total fool while trying. Being on the bike though, however awkward, was just as enjoyable as ever. I did reorient myself to the site, though I didn't find a good vantage point for the sunset. I think I could wander through the golf course and maybe find a good spot there, but it will take some more exploring. Maybe next Sunday.
READ (A LOT)
I'm nearly finished my second book - and my third is Travels with Charley. I know, from experience, that even slowly, that will only last three or four days. The security manager spoke of Cocktails under the Tree of Forgetfulness. He'd picked it up when he met with us in Dar es Salaam for the workshop, at a fantastic bookstore that I will be sure to visit the next time I am in town. It's about Kenya he says, and raves about the bookstores of Tanzania.
SAVE THE WORLD
I am interested in becoming more connected to this community. As a consultant, I am not really part of the work, simply an advisor, an interested and useful bystander. I can't jump in at a moment's notice and save the day.
I volunteered to read or help with homework or anything at the school on the site, but that has not actually panned out. It's a very small school - six children - and it seems that in addition to the teachers, the parents, and others are all very involved.
I did become fascinated about the idea of libraries in Africa, as I loved my library as a child, and wish for one on the mine site (however impractical an idea that is). Googling led me to Libraries Across Africa, a really thoughtful idea which encompasses community empowerment on a number of levels. Though they don't seem to have been active in a while, I may contact them anyway. Otherwise I have to find something else...
LEARN THINGS
Googling is a great past time. In addition to libraries and the current conflict in Dar, I've learned about types of Tanzania dance (and decided that I'm going to stick to riding a bike) and black swan theory. Black swan theory is terribly interesting because it both deals with commonly held beliefs about what impossible is and how humans react to the impossible once it becomes reality. I've never head of black swan theory, but I'm going to begin incorporating it into conversation as soon as possible, because I think it's a fascinating line of thought.
Also, it isn't only Google who can teach a person things. Today, I found out that that mine's vector control guy (the mosquito - and it's said mo-SQUEE-to here, which I prefer now), also has a farm. He went to visit it today. I can't wait to hear more about Dastan's farm, and if maybe he can identify the maybe-a-coconut, maybe-a-mango tree in the backyard.
THINK ABOUT HOME
Friends of mine got married yesterday. And though I got a picture, it's nothing like being there in person. My littlest sister (the munchkin) has left to fend for herself (okay, so at college, it's not really survival-mode) while three-quarters of the Kearby clan is overseas. I miss my car and my heels and using my phone as something other than an alarm clock.
When there isn't much to do, I get lonely.
CATCH A MONKEY
Luckily I found a friend... this is as close as I got to him (probably two feet away), but he was nice enough not to run out of the picture...
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RIDE A BIKE
I borrowed a bike from Lydia, who is currently acting as the assistant to the General Manager. She's helped us with a lot of things - getting our office set up, how to say you-name-it in Swahili, how to use the phone. And she was the bearer of surprise soup a few days ago when I had a cold. Anyway, she also lent me her bike for the weekend because she'd be away. I was very excited. My bicycling days of Key West were fondly remembered and I hoped to get more of my bearings on a bicycle.
The bicycle is huge. I was only able to ride it by not sitting on the seat. I fell, but only a few times, and I don't think anyone saw. I sure hope not because everyone here rides bikes everywhere and I'd like to think I can master at least a little part of their way of life - or at least not look like a total fool while trying. Being on the bike though, however awkward, was just as enjoyable as ever. I did reorient myself to the site, though I didn't find a good vantage point for the sunset. I think I could wander through the golf course and maybe find a good spot there, but it will take some more exploring. Maybe next Sunday.
READ (A LOT)
I'm nearly finished my second book - and my third is Travels with Charley. I know, from experience, that even slowly, that will only last three or four days. The security manager spoke of Cocktails under the Tree of Forgetfulness. He'd picked it up when he met with us in Dar es Salaam for the workshop, at a fantastic bookstore that I will be sure to visit the next time I am in town. It's about Kenya he says, and raves about the bookstores of Tanzania.
SAVE THE WORLD
I am interested in becoming more connected to this community. As a consultant, I am not really part of the work, simply an advisor, an interested and useful bystander. I can't jump in at a moment's notice and save the day.
I volunteered to read or help with homework or anything at the school on the site, but that has not actually panned out. It's a very small school - six children - and it seems that in addition to the teachers, the parents, and others are all very involved.
I did become fascinated about the idea of libraries in Africa, as I loved my library as a child, and wish for one on the mine site (however impractical an idea that is). Googling led me to Libraries Across Africa, a really thoughtful idea which encompasses community empowerment on a number of levels. Though they don't seem to have been active in a while, I may contact them anyway. Otherwise I have to find something else...
LEARN THINGS
Googling is a great past time. In addition to libraries and the current conflict in Dar, I've learned about types of Tanzania dance (and decided that I'm going to stick to riding a bike) and black swan theory. Black swan theory is terribly interesting because it both deals with commonly held beliefs about what impossible is and how humans react to the impossible once it becomes reality. I've never head of black swan theory, but I'm going to begin incorporating it into conversation as soon as possible, because I think it's a fascinating line of thought.
Also, it isn't only Google who can teach a person things. Today, I found out that that mine's vector control guy (the mosquito - and it's said mo-SQUEE-to here, which I prefer now), also has a farm. He went to visit it today. I can't wait to hear more about Dastan's farm, and if maybe he can identify the maybe-a-coconut, maybe-a-mango tree in the backyard.
THINK ABOUT HOME
Friends of mine got married yesterday. And though I got a picture, it's nothing like being there in person. My littlest sister (the munchkin) has left to fend for herself (okay, so at college, it's not really survival-mode) while three-quarters of the Kearby clan is overseas. I miss my car and my heels and using my phone as something other than an alarm clock.
When there isn't much to do, I get lonely.
CATCH A MONKEY
Luckily I found a friend... this is as close as I got to him (probably two feet away), but he was nice enough not to run out of the picture...
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